Glorious
by foreverlostinwonderland2013
Summary: I really saw Clary, though, for the first time. And I felt like I could breathe again, despite the fact that there was a fucking massive sword in my chest. Everything felt better. I felt warm, happy, peaceful. I was free.


I couldn't even focus on what I was saying anymore. It was mechanical. They were fighting, and it felt like Clary was winning. At least I hoped she was winning. I don't want anything to happen to her.

Why am I so tired? Why do I feel so empty? This was strange. I never felt like this before.

I felt another cut open up and blood poured down my side. Oh, Clary… The pain was bearable, but it still hurt like hell. I hoped she was okay. She was a fighter. Sebastian was, too, and that was the problem. I didn't know what to do. It stopped. Everything stopped. I didn't feel anymore cuts, no new blood… I looked over and saw Clary and Sebastian walking forward. Clary looked pretty cut up, but the cuts were healing quickly. She also looked really angry and slightly disgusted. What had happened? I should've waited for her… Sebastian was walking behind her with a bow pointed at her back, smirking. I tensed up.

"You are the ones who will be saved." I said, trying to ignore the empty feeling and the pain of seeing Clary so cut up and upset. "A thousand years ago the Angel gave us his blood, to make us special, to make us warriors. But it was not enough. A thousand years have passed, and we still have to hide in the shadows. We protect mundanes we do not love from forces of which the remain ignorant, and an ancient, ossified Law prevents us from revealing ourselves as their saviors." Why am I saying this? Why does it feel so wrong? I've been in such a strange mood since I woke up this morning… What happened last night? "We die in our hundreds, unthanked, unmourned but by our own kind, and without recourse to the Angel who created us." I moved forward on the rock, but they didn't feel like my feet that were moving me. "Yes. I dare to say it. The Angel who created us will not aid us, and we are alone. More alone even than the mundanes, for as one of their great scientists once said, they are like children playing with pebbles on the seashore, while all around them the great ocean of truth lies undiscovered." I really didn't sound like myself. "But we know the truth. We are the saviors of this earth, and we should be ruling it."

Did I really believe that? That we, the Shadowhunters, the Nephilim, should be ruling the earth? Because we constantly fight demons and live shorter lives?

But something in the back of my mind, a voice that didn't belong to me, whispered, "You do, Jace. It's what makes sense." Clary and Sebastian were behind me now. I relaxed a little. I could better protect Clary now if I needed to.

"Yes. Ruling it." I smiled. It didn't feel like mine. What happened to me? "Raizel is cruel and indifferent to our sufferings. It is time to turn from him. Turn to Lilith. Great Mother, who will give us power without punishment, leadership without the Law. Our birthright is power. It is time to claim it." Sebastian moved forward. He was now standing next to me, an easy and charming smile on his face. "And now, I'll let you hear the rest from Jonathon, whose dream this is." And I moved back, twining my fingers with Clary. I could fully relax now, knowing that I had her with me, and she was safe. She smiled at me. She looked beautiful.

"Good speech." She said, ignoring Sebastian. There was a strange pain in her eyes that I didn't understand. "Very convincing."

"You think? I was going to start off 'Friends, Romans, evildoers…' but I didn't think they'd see the humor." I laughed. Her eyes widened.

"You think they're evildoers?" There was a note of hope in her voice that confused me. I shrugged. I didn't really know myself.

"The Clave would." I really looked at her. Clary looked sad, hurt, like she was not only in physical pain, but in deep emotional pain… "You look beautiful." I said. I meant it, but she didn't look happy in the dress. My voice didn't sound right to me. "What happened?"

Her eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

I opened my jacket. I was wearing a white shirt underneath and the side and sleeve were soaked with blood. She cringed. "I feel what he feels." He feels what I feel.

Did he notice the scratch marks on my back this morning? I knew they were from Clary, I just… I don't remember being with her _like that_. Did he feel _that _last night?

"Or did you forget? I had to _iratze _myself without anyone noticing." I tried to keep the anger and annoyance out of my voice. Clary looked so upset right now. "It felt like someone was slicing my skin with a razor blade."

She looked at me, her pretty green eyes were full of pain. "Sebastian and I had a fight." She wasn't telling me the whole truth. I didn't push it. She didn't want to talk about it. Not here. Not now, at least.

"Well," I let my jacket fall. "I hope you've worked it out, whatever it was." I knew they hadn't. I just wondered what it was… I looked at Sebastian for not yet healed injuries.

"Jace…" Her voice was quiet, pleading. But I didn't turn to face her. Sebastian had a pretty bad bite mark on his lip.

He doesn't bite his lip. He doesn't get nervous. What did he _do_? I tensed up again, this time in anger. I've never actually been angry at him before, but this… It looks like Clary did that. And the anger and disgust she had etched on her beautiful face when she was walking to me explained at least one of the night's events.

He had kissed my Clary. And she fought back, just like she always did. But…

"Are you with me?" He cried out, his arms raised. I fought the urge to tackle him.

Then my anger was gone.

Why was I angry in the first place?

I looked at Clary. "I hope this goes well. I feel like I didn't sleep at all last night." She cringed and when she looked back up at me, her eyes were filled with so much pain, I couldn't stand it. She took a deep breath and ignored everything that Sebastian was doing.

"Jace," She whispered. Her voice showed just as much pain as her eyes did. "I know this isn't really you. I know there's a part of you that can't be all right with this." Is _that _why I felt so strange? "Try to remember who you are, Jace Lightwood."

"What are you talking about?" Ouch. I didn't mean to sound so… edgy.

"Please try to remember, Jace." Remember what? Last night? The cause of the scratch marks? "You love me—"

"I do love you, Clary." I said, my voice still edgy. It wasn't like me to sound so edgy towards Clary. "But you said you understood. This is it. The culmination of everything we've worked toward."

"Not we." Clary whispered. She was pleading with me now. "I'm not part of this. Neither are you—" And then Lilith appeared. But I didn't pay much attention.

_I'm not part of this. Neither are you… _

Is that why I feel so empty today? Like something's so horribly wrong with me? Is that why I feel so tired? Did something happen last night? Is that why she's hurting so much? She wants me to remember it, but no matter what—

_It was clear. So clear. I can breathe again. I'm me again. I need to get home so Clary can have her Jace back… I'm free. I'm free from his control… _

Sebastian's controlling me?

_Wildfire kisses. I need you, Clary. Her nails tore into my back, breaking skin. _

I hadn't been paying attention to what was happening. Clary began running away. I grabbed at her. I had to tell her. _I remembered. _

She tried to kick at me, but I swung her in my arms and muffled her screams with my hand.

Clary was going to hate me for this later. But it was better for her. I stared at her, blocking out what was going around me. She was angry, terrified, horrified.

I felt a tugging at the back of my mind. Like someone was trying to bring me back to the real world. But if I kept my eyes on Clary, the tugging wasn't very strong. I took my hand from her mouth and looked at Sebastian.

Had I blacked out? Why was Clary in my arms? She looked at me and she had a… dead look in her eyes. The ever burning that was there was gone and she sagged against my body. She had given up. I let her down.

"Clary—" Why did she look so… dead? This was worse than seeing her in pain. At least that was emotion, an emotion that I could fix. I can't fix this.

There was a cry and Clary looked towards it. I followed her gaze and my heart stopped.

Alec was smiling with a bow and as he loaded another arrow, I noticed a pack of wolves following him. Behind them, I saw Isabelle and Maryse. My brother. My sister. My mom.

_Mom. _

I looked at Clary. The dead look was gone. She now looked more alive than I had seen her in weeks. I saw Simon holding a sword with an odd glow to it. He was smirking. Magnus's hands were alight with blue fire.

Clary jumped up and down. "I'm here! _I'm here!_"

I grabbed her. I don't know why, I wanted her to see her family… my family. But something made me grab her. She did everything she could to get out of my arms.

"Let go of me!" She screamed. I've never heard Clary scream like that before. "Let go of me, you—" Sebastian turned to face me.

"Shut her up, Jace."

I did nothing to Clary. "Are we just going to stand back here and let them protect us?"

"Yes, " Sebastian said. I cringed. It didn't seem right. "We are too important to hurt, you and I." What about Clary?

I shook my head. "I don't like it. There are too many on the other side." I looked over the crowd. "What about Lilith? Can you summon her back, have her help us?" Summon a demon to help us fight an army like this? It's really not that big.. We'd have an unfair advantage.

"What, right here?" Sebastian's eyes flashed. "No. Besides, she's too weak to be of much help. Once she could have smote down an army, but since that piece of scum Downworlder with his Mark of Cain—" Clary tensed up at that. "—scattered her essence through the voids between the worlds. It was all she could do to appear and give us her blood."

"Coward." Clary spat at him. And I found that a small part of me agreed with her. "You turned all these people into your slaves and you won't even fight to protect them—"

Sebastian raised his hand. He looked like has about to slap her. I tensed, and she looked defensive. He just smirked. Part of me wishes Clary would hit him to see what _he _would do. "And if Jace let you go, I suppose you'd fight?" That frightened me. But I knew she would.

"Of course I would—"

"On what side?" He took a step toward her, raising the Cup. The way he was looking at her made me want to punch him. Where were these feelings coming from? "Lift her head up, Jace."

But Clary's too good to be apart of this…

"No!" She screamed, kicking and screaming to get away. I slipped my hand under her chin, but it felt like I wasn't moving my hand.

"Sebastian," I was almost pleading. "Not—" He looked crazed.

"Now," He said. "There's no need for us to remain here. We are the important ones, not these cannon fodder. We've proved the Infernal Cup works. That's what matters."

He grabbed a fist full of Clary's pretty dress and pulled her towards him. I cringed. She screamed.

"But it will be much easier to escape," He continued. "without this one kicking and screaming and punching every step of the way."

Clary kicked at him, trying to get him away. He ignored it.

"We can make her drink later—" Maybe he'd forget by later…

"No." His voice was firm, angry. "Hold her still." And he raised the Cup and jammed it against her lips, trying to pry open her mouth. The way she struggled and looked at him, I had the feeling this wasn't the first thing he had forced on her today. The thought made me sick. She fought him. "Drink." His voice was low, deadly. "I told you by the end of this night you would do whatever I wanted." What the hell did that mean? "Drink." He sliced her bottom lip open with the force of which he was pushing the Cup against her mouth.

Clary reached behind her and grabbed my shoulders. She pushed herself off as she kicked out with her legs. I did nothing to stop her. She deserved to get away. But Sebastian did. He ripped her dress as she kicked his rib cage. He staggered back and she hit her head against mine. I finally dropped her.

Clary, _my _Clary ran into battle.

I looked around for her. No one seemed to notice me, or if they did, they didn't try to fight me. When I finally found her, she was holding a sword. A heavy looking sword. The blade was glowing. When I looked at her, her eyes were wide and crazy with fear and panic and pain and love.

"Clary." I said. It was a relief to see her, to see that she was still alive.

"Jace." Her voice was hard, distant. "Get out of the way." I shook my head. I knew what she was going to do, and suddenly… I couldn't let her do it.

"Give me the sword, Clary." My voice sounded distant, like it wasn't my own.

"No." She shook her head, backing up a step. Her eyes were on fire and the sword lit up the dark space between us. "Jace." I could hear the love and the pleading in her voice. "I can separate you from Sebastian. I can kill him without hurting you—"

Kill him? Clary looked at me with so much pain and despair in her eyes, I knew she wasn't joking. I could see a thousand memories flashing before her eyes, and I knew I was no longer the person she fell in love with. And that broke my heart.

"Kill him?" I demanded. Her eyes widened. "Are you out of your mind?" My voice was too harsh. The pain in her green eyes intensified.

When had I lost her?

"Give me the sword." I raised my hand. "Give it to me, Clary."

"You want it?"

Clary raised the sword high in the sky.

She was going to hut me with it. She was going to stab with it.

Clary wouldn't do it. She wouldn't hurt me.

She took a deep breath. "Take it."

And Clary, my beautiful, peaceful, lovely Clary, drove the sword right into me. Right until she was pressed up against me. But the weird thing was that it didn't hurt. It just felt warm.

I heard a scream, a terrible scream, but it was too far away for me to care.

I really saw Clary, though, for the first time. And I felt like I could breathe again, despite the fact that there was a _fucking massive sword _in my chest. Everything felt better. I felt warm, happy, peaceful.

_I was free_.

Then… I was engulfed in flames. They didn't hurt, really. They were pretty. It was like taking a nice warm bath, and it felt like everything was clear again. Like it was washing away the layer that was blocking my vision. How had I been able to see through it for so long? It was like an endless fog had been covering my eyes and this fire was the only thing that could wash away the fog.

Then the fire was gone. And I was on the ground, but I wasn't. I was standing in the darkness.

Haven't I been here before?

Clary was crying, screaming, covered in my blood.

Oh, Clary, please don't. Please, baby, I'm right here. I haven't left you. I never will.

Oh, Clary, Clary, I'm so sorry. _Please don't cry…_

"Jace." Her voice was so desperate, so raw and painful. I've never heard her like this before. "_Jace._"

"Please," She looked as though she were in physical pain. "Look at me." She closed her eyes and I tried to step forward, but my feet were glued to the floor.

_Please. _I needed to get to my Clary. I was better now. I was _me _again. This was killing me. I've never seen her in so much pain before.

Please, Clary, I'm not dead. I'm still here.

Jocelyn was kneeling next to her now, crying along with her.

"Clary," Her voice was gentle. "Let him go. He's dead."

No, I'm not dead. I'm not.. _Please let me go. _Please, baby, stop crying. I'm okay…

"No," Clary was defiant. Can she feel that I'm still alive? "The sword—it burns away what's evil. He could still live." She cried. Jocelyn shook her head, tangling her fingers in her daughter's curls.

I wish I could do that.

"Clary, no…"

I heard Clary's voice in my head. _Jace, you're stronger than this. If this is you, really you, you'll open your eyes and look at me. _

Oh, Clary.. Please…

Simon kneeled down next to me, on the other side of Clary. She glared at him and her mother. She ran her fingers through my hair, I could the ghost of them. This was painful to see her like this. It was painful to stand here and watch her like this. I should be out there, comforting her. Holding her in my arms. This was cruel. _Why aren't they letting me go? _

"Sebastian," It was like her body was rejecting the name. "Someone should go after him."

"They're looking for him now," her mother said softly. "Clary, let him go. Clary, baby…"

A little part of me was wondering if this was because she didn't like me or because she truly believed I was gone.

_I'm not, Clary. I'm not. _

"Let her be." Isabelle snapped. Clary was crying now, she was clawing at my chest.

"Jace, goddammit." I've never heard so much pain in someone's voice before. "You are not dead."

Simon looked at her with sad eyes.

_Clary…_ _I love you…_

"Clary," Simon said softly. "It was a chance."

_Let me go. Let me go. I need to my Clary. _I was crying now.

"Jace." She kept repeating my name. Over and over and over again. Every time she said it, my heart broke. "Jace Lightwood…"

_Please. Let me go. Let me go. I need to go. Please. I'll do anything. _And I tried to take a step forward. My feet weren't glued to the floor anymore. I ran back, I ran to my Clary.

I was there again, I felt my heart beat. I felt hers start again.

_I told you I wasn't gone, Clary. I won't leave till you're coming with me. _


End file.
